I Am
Any crisis creates an impression that a collapse is imminent, and then it seems that everything is going to be okay. Only through such gradual, step-by-step development do we become aware that we must change. Generally, it is necessary to understand that the collapse must be internal. It has to occur in our consciousness, in our awareness of how wrongly we treat ourselves and the world. It’s not in the fact that I was hit by a painful event, a disease, even death… All of this is necessary solely in order to pull us out of our own swamp of egoism, elevate us, and force us to start thinking. As a matter of fact, these particularly consistent acts—a sudden blow and its retreat until the next blow hits, then another blow and retreat—gradually pull a person out of himself. With each new step, we think it is all the same, but in fact, it is not so. Each new time, we process another type of egoism, its greater part. One blow to the ego, the second, and the third one, but we don’t feel the difference and don’t realize that each time, our egoism processes completely new states of understanding and existence. Egoism is diverse, and until it reaches its culmination, nothing will change. This is why we need to pass through so many small blows. There is nothing accidental; nothing can happen out of the blue, by leaping over the states of internal development. We have to swallow every pill, which is the only way to learn. There is no other option....